The Squirrel diet

So, I've decided to jump on the health-food bandwagon. O.k., not really. I decided to try some alternative medicine with supplements and a different diet and stuff. First, I had to do a saliva test. Yes, I actually had to collect my spit all day long. I also had to do another similar test that rhymes with spit, but comes out the other end. The instructions for this made my mom laugh so hard she was crying. I may do a separate post on this and their fabulous directions.

Anyway, on to the diet. For the first 3 weeks, I had to drink this nasty supplement shake (which I only threw up once, thank you very much). that looked a lot like the stuff we feed the cows. However, I got both chocolate flavored and blueberry vanilla flavored. Don't be fooled by the flavorings--I have a pet peeve about flavoring nasty things. It doesn't really cover the nasty taste, it just adds a different taste with the nasty taste, so it is still nasty.

I also had to change my diet. I couldn't eat any beef, pork, dairy, wheat products, rice, eggs, corn, tomatoes, potatoes sugar, artificial sweetener, or any other thing that you'd actually want to eat.

The question remains, what do I eat. My normal diet consists of beefy products, combined with tomato sauce or soupy stuff with some noodles or biscuits thrown in. I am also very fond of ham.

Let's break down a few meals that I frequently eat to see if what is left--Sunday dinner: Roast--can't eat. Potatoes--Nope. Corn--No. Gravy--no, it has cornstarch or flour to thicken it. Fruit Salad--At last, something I can eat.

Supper--Strogonoff (sp?): Beef--no. Noodles--No. Milk--No. Flavor Packet/can of soup--No Again. Onion--Yes. Chocolate Milk: No chocolate, no milk. Green Beans--yes.

What have you gathered from this list? Have you figured out what I can eat? Does my diet consist of Fruit, Onions, and green beans? Only partially. I can have raw nuts, except peanuts. Fresh Fruits & Vegetables (Did you notice the serious lack of vegetables in my proposed meals. I'm not generally a big fan of fruits and vegetables), Almond Milk, Quinoa and Buckwheat, Almond Butter (which is definitely not as good as Peanut Butter) & limited Turkey and Chicken. So, except for the Turkey and chicken, I can eat what a squirrel eats--hooray for me! I eat a lot of nuts, vegetables and fruit, as well as stir fry with quinoa. P.S. Sometimes almonds go bad and taste like almond extract.

Pluses: I'm not as swollen, I've lost ten pounds, My clothes fit better.
Minuses: There is no flavor in my diet, everything is bland, & nothing tastes good. They kept telling me that they were going to add food in, and then didn't because I still didn't feel good. Finally, yesterday, they added beef, tomatoes, and eggs, that I get to try one at a time to see if they make me feel rotten. I had a hamburger for lunch today, so we'll see.

I'm also supposed to eat every two to three hours, which is hard for me to remember, but I've been doing pretty good.

The next question--do I feel better? The last two days I have, but I'm cynical and don't trust that because sometimes I feel good for two days when I'm not on the squirrel diet.