I Laugh in the Face of Danger!

I just read an article that told me that my life may end in early demise, due to things in my house. There is a list of 10 common household items that may be dangerous. Here they are:

1. Mothballs--Whew! I don't use these because I'm too lazy, so I just let the moths eat holes in my clothes--oh wait, they are all over the place in my Grandma's house that I live in. Check.
2. Pesticides--I don't use pesticides, I just kill the bugs with my hand, shoe, or whatever heavy item is handy. Safe.
3. Pressed Wood Products--Darn it! I look at pressed wood paneling as I sit typing this. Also, all of my high-quality furniture is made of pressed wood. I may have to get another furniture supplier. Check.
4. Carpet--The article refers to new carpet. Thankfully, there has been new carpet in the house I live in for 40 years. Carpet was made better back in the day and lasted longer. Safe.
5. Laser Printers--Uh-oh. I've used laser printers since they came out. In fact, there is even a color laser printer at my house. I wonder if color laser printers give off nastier things than black and white ones.
6. Lead Paint--Check. I was born in the seventies. Duh!
7. Air Fresheners & Cleaning Solutions--I try my hardest not to clean, so that keeps those chemicals at a minimum. I don't know an air freshener strong enough to override the smell of manure, so there is no use in trying. Safe.
8. Baby Bottles--No babies now or in the near-future; however, my bottles were probably toxic, but I'm not dead yet. Check.
9. Flame Retardant. I don't own any, so I may die in a fire, but the retardant won't kill me.
10. Cosmetics. I almost never wear makeup anymore, today being an exception. The people that come into my office smell of manure and have manure on their clothes, so I consider that I look and smell better than them if I shower occasionally. Safish.

Am I going to change my ways because of this report. Not really. Will I continue using all of this cancer causing, death inducing items. Probably. Such is life. The replacements for the items probably will be found to have different death-causing tendencies, so what's the use. I'll be happy and enjoy my life full of printers, pressed-wood products, and lead-based paint.